


The Case of the Creepy Collector

by sageness



Category: Farscape, due South
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Crochet, Fanart, Gen, Mixed Media, yarncraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-15 19:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/853372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sageness/pseuds/sageness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>or, part one of The Amazing Adventures of Detectives Turtle and Diefenbaker, Delta-sector field investigators of the Intergalactic Police Agency.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Petra for the beta and to all the awesome cheerleaders who have kept me excited about making these guys! Huge thanks also to Garonne, Hazelwho, Queue, Which, Brigantine, and MizFace for advice and support on the yarn creatures! <3

_A few weeks ago, on a shockingly earth-like planet just spinward to the galactic fringe..._

  
Iguana: "I'm sending you on an acquisition," he tells me. 

 

  
Iguana: "You don't want to disappoint me," he tells me.

 

  
Iguana: I say, "Of course not, Mr. Langoustini," because it's the Bookman, yeah? You don't disappoint the Bookman.

 

  
Iguana: Him and his collections...he says it's a new branch of the Iguana family business, but it don't seem that new to me. 

 

  
Iguana: Ain't nothing new in the universe, you ask me. Not that anyone does. Oh, hey, maybe over that way.

 

  
Yip-Yip: Hey, you guys! I heard there's a new Ambizarieth place over at the spaceport! Wanna get zeel for dinner?

 

  
Aliens: Sure! I haven't had zeel in forever. {Wow, we really need names, don't we?}

 

  
Yip-Yip: Great! My hoverjet's just over—eeek! It's an Iguana enforcer! Run!!

 

  
Iguana: Don't anybody move.

 

  
Iguana: This'll do. You guys just cool your heels a minute, capische?  
Yip-Yip: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!  
Iguana: I'll be back with the transport. Don't go nowhere. [slams door]

 

  
cast of characters


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the story...

IGUANA: Guess what, boss?

LANGOUSTINI: This better be good news, lizard.

IGUANA: Oh, yes sir. You're gonna like this.

 

LANGOUSTINI: A Leviathan! This is fantastic! 

IGUANA: And three more for your collection, boss.

LANGOUSTINI: Good, good. Go put 'em in the zoo.

IGUANA: Yes, boss.

 

ALIENS: This sucks. How do we escape? There's a force shield, ouch. Oh god, they're staring at us. That one is leering. Maybe if we turn our backs, they'll get bored and go away.

 

LANGOUSTINI: Pilot, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship, you understand what I'm saying?

PILOT: I demand you remove your lizards from Moya's brain immediately!

LANGOUSTINI: What you don't understand is these guys love neural tissue. It's a delicacy. Something about iguana taste receptors or something. 

 

PILOT: This is unacceptable.

LANGOUSTINI: You just stay parked right here and you won't have anything to worry about.

 

(Having learned that a Leviathan has gone missing, and also someone's abducting sentients with mottled skin, fur, or feathers, Detectives Diefenbaker and Turtle go to talk to a snitch.)

TEST LOBSTER: I heard a thing, but you gotta get me off the Rim. It's dangerous out here.

TURTLE: What we can do depends on what you know.

 

TEST LOBSTER: I know I won't live to see tomorrow if I squeak on the Bookman. I need some assurances!

DIEF: Let me make a call. You good with cleanup work? Shredding ship detritus?

TEST LOBSTER: They don't call us bottom-feeders for nothing.

 

DIEF: That Iguana has to show up at some point, doesn't he?

TURTLE: I still say we go aboard and handle the lizards ourselves.

DIEF: And if they sound an alarm, Langoustini gets away. 

TURTLE: Yeah, yeah. Wake me up when something happens.

 

DIEF & TURTLE: (Iguana appears.) Call off the lizards in the Leviathan's brain.

IGUANA: *gulp* 

TURTLE: Now take us to the boss.

 

IGUANA: You gotta give me immunity, right?

DIEF: I'll give you immunity from the two of us breaking your face. Let's go.

 

LANGOUSTINI: I just love your ruffles. Do another ripple.

 

ALIEN #1: You are so creepy.

LANGOUSTINI: Do it!

 

TURTLE: Stop! Space Police!

DIEF: Department of Intergalactic Law Enforcement, Detectives Diefenbaker and Turtle. Mr Langoustini, you are under arrest for sentient species trafficking and illegal imprisonment. 

 

TURTLE: You're going to rot in jail for the rest of your life.

LANGOUSTINI: (sneering) That's what attorneys are for. I'll be out in an hour. You just watch.

 

DIEF: Are you all okay?

ALIENS: Freedom! Thank you! 

 

TURTLE: Come on, Langoustini, hurry up.

YIP-YIP: Hey, can you turn around a second while I spit in this jerk's eye? 

ALIEN #1: Oh, me too!

DIEF: Er, that isn't really in keeping with--

 

TURTLE: Oh, hey, look at that...ceiling. Hangar. Thing.

ALIENS: Hah. Thanks.

 

And justice was served. The end.  
...

 

Cast: (from left)  
Yip-Yip, Alien #3, Test Lobster, Alien #1, Iguana, Moya the spaceship from Farscape (above), Langoustini, Turtle, and Diefenbaker.

**Author's Note:**

> Alien #1: acrylic yarn, unknown probably wool-blend yarn, polyfil stuffing. 6 3/4" in diameter, 4" high (without antennae, 5" with antennae).
> 
> Yip-Yip: acrylic body, acrylic and cotton eyes, diluted glue to stiffen antennae. 8" from antennae-tips to average tentacle length; 2" across. nb. Yip-Yip aliens were invented by/for Sesame Street; their proper pattern has thinner and straighter tentacles. Crocheted yip-yips are not commercially available; free pattern available on the internets.
> 
> Alien #3 (the bipedal eggplant): handspun wool body, eyestalks, and feet; acrylic eyes; acrylic and felt embellishment; superglue; polyfil stuffing. 9 1/4" tall with eyestalks fully extended, 3" in diameter.
> 
> Iguana: acrylic and wool yarns, polyfil stuffing. 16" nose to tail, 4 1/2" across at hind feet. Inspired by rhinoceros iguanas of the Caribbean.
> 
> Test Lobster: acrylic and cotton yarns, polyfil stuffing. 4 1/4" nose to tail; 5" clawtips to tail.
> 
> Moya: wool and acrylic yarns, cotton embroidery floss, polyfil stuffing. 12" nose to tail, 7" across at widest point, 3 3/4" high.
> 
> Langoustini: acrylic yarn, polyfil stuffing. 9 1/2" nose to tail (not including antennae), 12 1/2" clawtips to tail.
> 
> Turtle: wool and acrylic yarns, polyfil stuffing, plastic safety eyes painted with acrylic. 10" nose to tail (11" with tail extended), 7" across, 6" high.
> 
> Diefenbaker: acrylic and alpaca yarns, polyfil stuffing, plastic safety eyes painted with acrylics. 9" tall, 10 1/2" nose to tail (tail extended), 3 1/2" across at the jaw.
> 
> The space police badges/tags and collars are acrylic and wool. The design is seven chains (loops) in white-silver and a blue cross/star on a black medallion.
> 
> These yarn creature versions of Diefenbaker, Langoustini, Iguana, Moya, Alien #1, Alien #3, and the space police badges are all my own designs. Please do not claim them as your own.
> 
> Test Lobster is made from a freely available pattern. Turtle is inspired by and highly altered from a free pattern. Yip-Yip is adapted slightly from a freely available pattern.


End file.
